| Look, I'm a nice dog with everyone's best interest at heart, but this cat's not playing fair. He just shows up one day from who-knows-where, jumps into your lap, purrs in your face and suddenly you're wrapped around his little dewclaw and rearranging the pillows to accommodate him. Like it or not, we have to share this crazy household and I think I know a thing or two about how to keep things running smoothly.|
It's not easy being a Boston terrier. Everyone assumes you ride around all day in a fancy handbag and know your way around a yacht. Don't get me wrong—I've sniffed my way around a fair number of poop decks, but that's not the point. I'm a dog of the people, and you're the people, so hear me out while I propose a few changes around here.
- 1) No more handouts. It's time that everyone learned to earn his way. I eagerly follow your instructions—sitting, rolling over and begging as duty dictates. That's how I earn my belly scratches and treats, right? Well, the cat doesn’t seem to have to do a darn thing for his Fancy Feast. I'd like to see him show some initiative, get off his pet pillow and do the work. Is that so much to ask?
- 2) Turn up the heat! Ever since the new cat showed up he's been complaining that it's too hot in here, and even claiming that it's getting hotter every day. Give me a break. Since the dawn of animal domestication, where has man’s best friend been shown to belong? Curled up in front of a crackling fire, duh.
- 3) Can we please stop rearranging the home décor to accommodate the finicky cat? My water bowl's been displaced by the litter box and I can never find my bone among his legions of toy mice. You even let him sleep on your custom pet pillow, obscuring my handsome purebred face.
- 4) Leave me alone about the tea parties. If the kids are going to serve up tasty snacks on tiny plates, you bet I'm going to be there to catch the crumbs. You all can shoo me away and haul me out of the room by my collar as many times as you want, but I’m always going to come back for the scraps, understand? If I hear the cat complaining one more time that I'm a suck-up...
Consider this my platform, if you will, and may the best pet win. In the meantime, I'll be practicing the oath of office, just in case:
I, Rocko, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of top dog of this household, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the grounds from intruders, U.S. postal carriers and squirrels.
Clearly, Rocko doesn't pull punches when it comes to defending his perceived rights. Do your pets have turf wars? What do you do to accommodate both or all of your pets in your home décor?